Why?

They say that you tend to hurt the ones you love most and that is due to the fact that we subconsciously think that they will love us unconditionally, no matter what. I think it is something else, we hurt the loves we love because subconsciously we are resenting them or we are jealous of them or both or maybe something else.

Why is it after I get this diagnosis that everything else seems to fall apart? Is it due to the fact that life is funny or is it the cause of the Lord. Remeber he doesn't work in mysterious ways, he work in His way. I just don't know how to continue at times and others I seem to know exactly what to do. How is it that we just can't figure out everything everytime, we all have the potential to do so but our freaking emotions get in the way. Should we all be more like a Vulcan, no emotion what so ever, complete logic. I think that life would make a whole lot more sense.

Now that I have been diagnost, I am scared I wont find love, wont find someone to accept me for who I am. Maybe that is a little dramatic, but who wants someone who is, for lack of a better word, "crazy". If I don't find someone then whatever if I do then great. My thought process has become alot clearer with these meds I am on. Just keep moving and hopefully life wont beat you down. Remember to keep your chin up and take life's beatings. When you do your considered a great survivor.